Say you are formula feeding your baby.
For the past 9 months, that has been the hardest thing for me to say. I’ve actually even cried over my food at the kitchen table about it. I’m trying to be expressive for a change.
I breastfed so I know it’s inconvenient, painful at times, demanding, all consuming, let’s see what else? So because I know that, it may seem crazy to be so sad about it to others who are not enjoying their milkier times or didn’t enjoy them when they were the real Dairy Queen, BUT something about knowing I can’t makes me remember all the sweet and precious moments of being your baby’s only source of nutrition and survival. It’s like the external version of the umbilical cord and you just love caring for them that way.
However, I am severing my dream of breastfeeding my baby officially with the ceremonial selling of my breast pump. I have picked it up and thought, “Well, you never know….someday….maybe….right?” For real, I am just now exiting my denial phase. Throughout these past 9 months I have come up with a million different twists of how I can tweak breastfeeding so it works for me but I know that the only way for me to try breastfeeding again is by taking the chance of not being medicated and going down that dark postpartum road again and if I was in that position again, speaking for that person, I’d tell you it’s not worth it. Seems like everyone in my life, including my doctor, has told me its not worth it and I guess I’m getting to that point of seeing that clearly myself.
Coming to this realization, I actually feel a little bit of the excitement I felt when the doctor told me to stop when Eden was a few weeks old. The feeling was something like screaming FREEDOM butt-naked from the top of cliff in the rainforest while nature beasts gather around me like Snow White beckoning the birds with her vocals.
Breastfeeding is a huge responsibility and now I can have anyone help me at anytime, anywhere, when my baby is any age. I can appreciate that convenience. That’s huge. Sure, I wish I could give my baby the best nutrition but I can’t give her excellent nutrition and a garbage can mom.
I will be sad when, Lord willing, we have another baby and I don’t get those first sweet nursing moments and days in the hospital BUT I think I’m becoming okay with being a bottle slinger.
Mommy is growing up sniff, sniff. I get big so fast.