The number one killer of a clean house is busyness…time to make a mess, no time to clean it.
Ironing, baseboard cleaning, and dusting are things people do in commercials.
You only feel as good as your last nights sleep.
The best your children play together is at bedtime or right when you need to get out the door.
Nursing bras are like pajamas for your boobs.
If you have children under the age of 5, the 4th of July is the biggest jerk of a holiday, every sleepless night for three nights.
A kitchen with a dirty island, never looks clean.
The day you get a nap, is the day your child won’t.
You aren’t going to eat the leftovers, but you feel better if you put them in the fridge and you dare anyone to try to throw dinner away. “I will eat that 5 pound bowl of beans!! Ungrateful lunatics….”
The best way to ensure someone pees in the bed, is to wash the sheets the night before. It’s against nature for this not to happen. If I clean the sheets and no one pees in them, I’m tempted to just crawl in bed and let it go just to get to the point already. Now that we have that out of way, someone put a cup or bottle of milk under the van seat because I hear it is gonna be 90 degrees tomorrow.
The biggest threat to dinner is realizing you didn’t thaw the meat.
Your children will only want to share cups, toys, embrace, and kiss on the mouth within 24 hours of one of them throwing up.
The yummiest dinner is whichever one you didn’t have to make.
It is as mandatory as a junk to drawer to have a spot in your house that is always covered in laundry. In our home, it’s on the couch in the first room you step into through our front door. Nothing says, “Come in, we might be naked” like every item of clothing you own folded into 5 foot towers all over your living room.
If your child that sleeps through the night the least, finally is sleeping through the night, your child that never gets up, will on that very night. If by chance all children are sleeping, there will be a thunderstorm. If all else fails, a tiny mouse will tap you on the shoulder and say, “I’m scared.” Someone has to.