Starcation

Today I What About Bob-ed myself and wrote myself a prescription for a vacation…a Vacation From My Problems! Genius!

I have this little creature that lives in my house and sometimes she gets real fussy and I feel like a private investigator figuring it out. Last night she was screaming like she was getting a root canal but then enters “The Boob” and EVENTUALLY…..she calmed down and went to bed at about 11:30 which is her new self-imposed bedtime. Who does she think she is? A teenager? No, that can’t be right because then she’d sleep till 2 pm and that’s not happening.

So today I was in the house and she was still a wee bit fussy so I wrote myself said prescription to go on a vacation from my problems. Locale: car seat. Destination: Starbucks.

Exotic.

A picture paints a thousand words but I’m too tired or prideful or something to take a photo of myself so let me give you the visual low down. Just on myself, of course, because my baby is always cute.

I am wearing on my head, an array of unbrushed hair pulled half up into a lumpy pony tail with a bobby pin holding on to dear life to the bangs I cut myself with kitchen shears a few nights ago. No time for haircuts.

My face features only remnants of make-up left from last nights shower that didn’t get the washing it deserves. Further down you will find a few chin pimples dying a slow and miserable death thanks to Proactiv. They should die sometime this week and come back promptly in the following days.

My finernails have white french tips made up of Desitin stuck gently yet firmly under the edges.

Back-up, we forgot my mouth. My lips are chapped and around the mouth area there is some sort of dried white substance and these are my three good guesses:

1-toothpaste
2-the potato soup I slurped down while holding a baby

or

3- the most shameful….drool from some bout of sleeping I’ve had over the past 10 hours.

My pride wants to believe it’s option one but my heart can’t tell a lie. I did wipe this off before pulling into the Starbucks. I do have some standards.

And, lastly, to top it off. I wore Havianna flip flops that were chocolate-brown with baby blue and white high water Victoria Secret pj pants with a kids t-shirt with a food pyramid on it that has junk food in the pyramid and the bottom of the shirt says “NOT”!

Some people wear nice dresses for vacation but I wear spit-up and a smile.  At least this trip was all-inclusive.  Gift card playaaaaaaaassssss!

I have so many gift cards that if a burglar took my wallet he would throw out the credit/debit cards and keep the gift cards.  I have like 200 dollars worth of goodie cards in my wallet.  One of them is to JC Pennys so that would probably be the one the burglar took if forced to choose his favorite.  He could get some really nice pillow shams there.  And, yes, I said HE assuming all robbers are men.  I profiled this robber as a man even the face of going to JC Pennys for shams.

Yesterday I used a plethora of gift cards and purchased a cornucopia of goods.  In my 35 days being a mom, only a week or less of that interacting with the outside world with a sane mind, I have found myself liking things that I never did before.  I find myself wanting to be pampered by simple things more.  Now don’t get carried away and buy me a diamond heart shape pendant from Kays.  Every kiss doesn’t begin with Kays no matter what they tell you.  If you buy me one of those things, every swift punch to the throat will begin with Kays.  What I’m talking about is  buying a shirt that makes me feel cute.  A nice, piping hot shower.  Even true blue pampering things like maybe a massage or a facial.  I never cared about that stuff before but now I just want a BREAK!  I want to go to Pier One and buy an overpriced bowl of some fake crap that looks cute on a table because I love to decorate and it makes me feel like ME.  Right now you’d think I’d like to decorate with diapers and baby turds but come on people!

I called Lance aka Daddy and told him about our vacation and how I’m enjoying doing little things for myself like buying 350 dollar drinks at Starbucks.  I told him our baby was fussy.  Fuzzy?  No, fussy but she is fuzzy too which is irresistable.  He thought he would be cute when he called to check in on us while we were out and ask when I answered if he could talk to Eden.  I told him she was grounded.  When she gets older I will tell her that she was grounded today.

I think I will go write myself another prescription now.  A prescription for snoozing.  Eden is still asleep from our trip so I might as well be.  Baby steps to the hallway.  Baby steps to the bed.  Baby steps under the covers….this is working….

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

(That was another What About Bob reference.  If you didn’t know that, I’m afraid we can’t talk anymore.)

Comments

  1. 1. I knew all of the “What about Bob?” references: friendship secure.
    2. I am super-de-dooper glad you are doing things that make you feel like you.
    3. I really want Eden to be able to play with us on Thursday so if you could unground her for just a couple of hours I would appreciate it.

    K, thanks.

  2. Nereida says:

    Sometimes those are the best times! Just to get in the car and drive, buy a 3.50 drink and go back home. I so know how you feel!! 🙂

  3. Very very funny. And I’m so with you on the outings. And the hot shower. My kids are cuter than a box of kittens but I would sell them on e-bay in a heartbeat for an uninterrupted hot shower. I’m joking of course. You’d have to throw in a facial.

  4. Kristie says:

    1. I knew all the ‘What About Bob?’ references too. Our friendship is also secure!
    2. I’m itching to come visit just to see you smile since I know you’ve had it rough the past few weeks (and to hold that ‘fuzzy’ little girl)!
    3. I really want you to write a book. The end.

  5. 1-shew!
    2-i will smile for you biggest if you come.
    3-this is the year i’m going for it!

  6. Jessica C. says:

    You CRACK me UP!!! This is sooooo the thoughts inside a Mom’s head during the day. I LOVE IT!!!

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